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Joke of the Day

"If you believe in the end of the world tomorrow... I'm going to keep making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow"

"Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"What's lil Wayne's favorite pizza? Lil seizure"

"I like my beer like I enjoy my violence. Domestic."

"Anal with my girlfriend made my whole day But it made her whole week."

"What's the American settler's spirit animal? The groundhog."

"I tried water polo but... My horse drowned."

"What programming language was used to create piratebay? R."

"I used to be a police officer... A guy came up to me when I was patrolling a street and asked if he could urinate between my wrist and elbow. I said ""Not on my watch."""

"Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm addicted to Twitter! Doctor: Sorry, I don't follow you."