48162

Joke of the Day

"Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons? Half of them are lyin'."

"I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, ""Sank you"" So I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that."

"M.C. Escher was born on this day in 1898. Although if you study the timeline of his life, it also looks like he was born in 8681."

"'Marley and Me' has a sequel! It's called 'Me'..."

"If I can punch you without moving my feet, you're in my personal space."

"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"

"Alternate Title for Interstellar [Spoiler] Ghost Dad"

"Silly batman joke my doctor told me today Twoface never liked it when his men shouted, 'hey you! With the face!'"

"Did you hear about the guy whose penis looks like Professor X? The resemblance is uncanny."

"What does a toilet, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common? Men usually miss all three."