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Joke of the Day

"A clown and a child walk into the dark woods.... The child looks up at the clown and says ""I'm scared."" The clown replies ""You're tellin' me kid, I have to walk back alone."""

"What religious people say: ""I have you in my prayers."" What non-religious people hear: ""I'm trying to raise Aquaman on this cat radio."""

"Was told to unfold my graduation gown to get rid of the square creases replied that I'd rather graduate with more degrees."

"I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said ""No, the steaks are too high""."

"My Ex Girl Friend: you need to move on and forget about me. Me: how can I forget you when every time I go outside things remind me of you like garbage bins and dog shit."

"nothing sucks more than someone ignoring your texts i mean maybe like getting stabbed to death but that's not much worse"

"A woman recently got breast implants made from oak wood. It would be funny if this joke had a punchline, Wooden tit?"

"Scientists discover diarrhea can be hereditary It runs in your jeans"

"If you make something that goes viral... You are a social media influenza."

"Why is your bio written in English but your tweets written in spaghetti?"