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Joke of the Day
"If I ever find out that my wife is going to be an octo-mom... I'm octa-gone."
Next Joke
"who wore it better: Russell Brand or Steven Tyler's microphone stand"
"I just put on my khakis and found a golf tee in the pocket, which may be the whitest thing to ever happen to anyone."
"This one time in 1993, Brett Favre sent an alpha-numeric representation of his penis to my beeper."
"Your Honor, for our opening motion in this murder trial, the defense would like to submit, as exhibit A, the victim's ringtone."
"Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother."
"Words to live by What doesn't kill you, isn't in Australia"
"""I'm terribly sorry but your husband overdosed on Flintstones vitamins"" ""oh my god...is he ok?"" ""I'm afraid not. he...yabba dabba died lmao"""
"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff... Ba-Dum-Tsss"
"Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death."