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Joke of the Day

"I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine"

"a strain of weed that permanently erases your memories and reduces your brainwaves to the carefree infantile state of a newborn baby"

"Christina Applegate should totally get involved in a scandal-- then we could call it Applegategate"

"How do you disappoint a Redditor? Repost the same exact joke over and over and/or upvote it to the front page."

"Did you hear about the man who had sex with a parrot? He got chirpes, and the bad news is...it's untweetable."

"Started as a twitter crush, moved on to twitter boyfriend, now he's my twitter husband. Honeymooning on Google+ so we can be alone."

"What happened when Rick fell down a hill? Rick rolled."

"Interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: In a mirror! Well any reflective surface really, windows, shiny cars, puddles..."

"Why did they name golf golf? Because fuck was already taken."

"What do a wife and a tornado have in common? First, they suck. Then, they blow. Finally, they take half your house."