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Joke of the Day

"[blind date] OK don't let her know you're a remote control ""Your eyes are beau- *sinks into seat crevice, lost for weeks* DAMMIT NOT AGAIN"

"Apparantly there is a term for Baywatch actors in their midlife crisis. It's called the Hoff-time show."

"There wad a 4 car pile up in Mexico today. . 93 people died."

"People say women can do everything men can do. Have women ever successfully oppressed an entire gender?"

"I farted in a room full of hipsters.. then watched them fight over who heard it first."

"Saved a man from a speeding car Man: Can't trust anyone Me: True Man: Us old ones got to stick together Pushed him in front of the next car"

"yes off course i'm an American My friend calls me up and asks ""Hey are you free tonight?"" And I say of course, I'm American"

"Obama's gonna take all your decorative soaps."

"Why didn't Mario put more toppings on his pizza? Because there wasn't mushroom on it."

"You are a lioness and I am your lion.. ..now be a good lioness and bring me some food!"