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Joke of the Day

"Why do they call me the fireman? Cause I turn on the hoes"

"If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain Then you are some kind of weirdo *swipes left on tinder*"

"PRESIDENT OBAMA: I pardon this turkey- TURKEY: Nope. I'm ready. 2016 was a shit show. Kill me now"

"Why did the bubblegum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's legs."

"It's only Wednesday and I'm already 94% done with this week."

"Battered Women Not as delicious as it sounds"

"Texts friend: sorry, I'm running late. Friend: no problem, let me know when you're on your way. [ 6 weeks later] Ok I've left."

"Thousands of Russians in Moscow chant ""Russia without Putin!"" Thousands of Canadians Horrified"

"What do you call a gay couch? A homo sectional."

"Two blondes were walking down the railroad tracks. The first blonde said ""man, these steps are killing me!"" The second one said ""it's not the steps that are killing me, it's these low hand rails!"""