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Joke of the Day

"[1st day at work] BOSS: Erm..we..have No Smoking rules here ME: That's great Alan [blows out smoke] most places have loads of smoking rules"

"Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!"

"[Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles ""how to defuse a bomb""* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*"

"A fish walks into a bar ..and the bartender asks, ""What can I get ya?"" And in a very raspy voice the fish says, ""WATER"""

"You are not a Cheeta if you do it in the Hyena. You are not a Cheeta if you do it in the Hyena."

"I said hello to a feminist My court date starts tomorrow."

"What do you call a ubiquitous spud? A common-tater!"

"[lying with girlfriend & looking up at the stars] ""Hey--"" *points to shooting star* ""You've put on a lot of weight."""

"What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid? Nike. Their motto says just ""Just do it""."

"so a dyslexic man........ walks into a bra"