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Joke of the Day

"[1st day at work] BOSS: Erm..we..have No Smoking rules here ME: That's great Alan [blows out smoke] most places have loads of smoking rules"

"What do bees and celebrities have in common? They're both dying at an alarming rate."

"Woman to friend at store: We can get shrimp for people who don't eat meat! Me: don't forget the cheese for the lactose intolerant people!"

"Your girlfriend is so good in bed but can't do house chores. When your relatives complain you be like ""You guys don't know her very well"""

"If you show me a piano falling down a mine shaft... I'll show you Aflat minor."

"TIL Mine sweeper (game) was invested in Pakistan"

"My dad has a great idea for Donald Trump's campaign slogan. ""Vote for me in 2016 or there'll be hell toupee."""

"Has oido hablar de ese pais con la guerra civil? No te rias. Es seria!"

"That awkward moment when you lazily follow someone cos of 1 funny joke, then realize all the rest of their stuff is KKK recruitment material"

"Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records? Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!"