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Joke of the Day

"i tried to ask a girl out today but i messed up my words and accidentally summoned a demon. anyway, whats a good first date for a demon"

"Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls first guys says ""man, I really wish I could do that!"" seconds guy says ""pet him real nice and he'll probably let you"""

"I added broccoli to my kid's Mac n Cheese and now he's sitting in a spinny chair, petting a hairless cat and plotting his revenge."

"What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry? My donation check to the orphanage."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre. So he *gives it to her.*"

"I was told that tipping your server is normal in America But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator."

"Sometimes I lie in bed at night, looking up at the stars and think Where the hell did the ceiling go?"

"I'm feeling sluggish No one pour salt on me."

"Losing your spouse can be hard. But it's not impossible."

"50 SHADES ADMISSION 82% of women have admitted to reading 50 Shades of Grey with one hand"