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Joke of the Day

"What is the official cereal for the Rio olympics? Cheer-Rios"

"Coworker: Oh, look how beautiful! It's snowing again! Me: *stabs coworker with icicle*"

"I hate when weather reporters talk shit on snow...Like why are u even in the weather biz if ur not down w/ snow"

"Voyager 1 left the solar system 1 year ago and still gets a better signal than an iPhone in my apartment."

"me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot"

"Why was the French chef sent to prison? He was convicted of crepe."

"How much do you pay to buy corn from a pirate? You pay a buccaneer."

"Klondike bars, Hitler did it for one"

"Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions."

"What does an impatient cow say? Mooove the fuck out my way"