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Joke of the Day

"My wife was harassing me to do some work around the house. I said, ""If I wanted a nag, I would have married a horse."""

"If a well endowed woman works at Hooters, where does a guy with an amputated leg work? IHOP"

"[girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my ""secretly move in with her"" plan"

"Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum. Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad."

"9/11 jokes arent funny and 2/11 are just plane stupid"

"good news and bad news. bad news is the dog pissed on the bed ""we don't have a dog"" *smiles getting ready to deliver the good news*"

"The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits. She's got a point, I suppose... I work in a hammer factory."

"Did you hear about the skinny guy that visited Alaska? I guess he came back a husky fucker."

"Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free but underneath it's covered with rust Dealer: Yes sir. The car is rust-free. We didn't charge you for it did we?"

"What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a super hero. The other is a simple command."