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Joke of the Day

"No one laughed at my joke I wrote on the wall of the toilet stall... I guess I need to work on my toilet humor."

"Girl, my life is full of tragedy. In 1997, my girlfriend was killed by a guy named Sephiroth. AND she was our party's only healer :("

"Come on iPhone! It's someone, not semen. Now my mom thinks I'll find semen to help me. Related: I'm looking for semen to help me."

"RETIRED STUNTMAN: We didn't have fancy CGI. If the script said to drive a truck into a dinosaur, we drove a truck into a goddamn dinosaur."

"What does a toddler get drunk off of? Jack Danimals!"

"What do you call a black man that flies a plane? A pilot you fucking racist."

"Two atoms walk into a party at the Large Hadron Collider... It was full of nerds so they split."

"So two stags are walking home from a gay bar. One looks at the other and says ""I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks back there!"""

"Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes."

"How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it!"