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Joke of the Day

"I swear I only have sex standing up.. I'm not fucking laying!"

"Sometimes, by holding on too tight, you end up losing what you were trying so hard to save. Soap, for example."

"The ""letters to the editor"" page of your local newspaper is like Twitter for the elderly."

"What does a musician train do when running from the law? Covers tracks"

"when I was a kid, our family was very poor.... I remember when my dad was cutting onions and our whole family was crying. poor onions. he was such a good dog"

"What do dolphins use to stay clean? All-porpoise cleaner."

"Girls wanting giant ass teddy bears, & VS bags, and bouquets of underwear for valentines day. Just give me some pizza & I'll love u forever."

"How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin"

"Three words are having an argument... Had, Made, and Did were having a very heated argument. They became more and more agitated as the argument went on. It was beyond tense... It was past tense."

"I just had the worst experience with a mosquito. It sucked!"