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Joke of the Day

"Before scientists discovered... Before scientists discovered that the ""I before E except after C"" rule wasn't universal, they were called sceintists."

"What animal has a dick on its back? A police horse."

"What happened to the guy that was trimming some bushes and accidentally sliced off his left arm?? Well they say he's ""allRIGHT"" xD"

"*adds resume embellisher to resume*"

"Told my wife that joining the Mile High Club is on my bucket list. She said she didn't give a flying fuck."

"What do you call someone who sings about mints? A ""Minstrel""."

"I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom."

"[Titanic] Steward: Lifeboats are assigned by your star sign. Aries, this boat. Virgo, that boat- ""What about Leo?"" Steward: No. Leo dies."

"Next year is going to be directed by Hideaki Anno... It'll be 2015+1"

"Winston and a Cat What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat? One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl."