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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear a joke about toilet paper? Nevermind... it's tearable."

"'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun."

"*stares off into the distance* Distance: I have a boyfriend"

"Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already."

"My girlfriend is like Pi. Completely irrational."

"What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library? Pages from *Reader's Digest*"

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible car accident? He's all right now."

"Bill Cosby has finally agreed to an interview to discuss the accusations of rape. He invited Katie Couric up to his hotel room for a quick drink and a chat."

"So I went to a zoo today... But it only had one small dog. It was a shih tzu."

"Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!"