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Joke of the Day

"I was going to tell a Mexican joke... but that's just crossing the border"

"Knock Knock! -Who is it? -Santa -Oh, come on in santa. What did you bring me this year!? -Your black friday debts bitch! I'm Santa nder!"

"If you have 6+ numbers after your name as part of your Twitter handle I can only assume you're an inmate & tweeting from prison."

"I just ended a 5 year relationship! I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship."

"[on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]"

"Did you know a cat can jump higher than a house? This is due to the fact that cats have very powerful hind legs and that houses can't jump."

"Thomas Jefferson on cable TV news: ""The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."""

"Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs."

"A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head... The landlord says to the rest of the customers: ""Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"" Ba Dum Tss!"

"Back then: You are the bomb, yo Future: You are the clock, yo"