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Joke of the Day

"Yo. Wanna do graffiti? ""Sure man"" [My friend makes a cool gang symbol on a wall] Cool. Let me try [Mine reads KELLY WHY DID U LEAVE ME]"

"An optician fell into his lens grinder... and made a spectacle of himself."

"I like my women like I like my wine Eight years old and locked up in a cellar"

"How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?"

"What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break."

"I always used to think my parents are like siblings' sounds so much better than, my parents are, like, siblings.'"

"My phone just autocorrected mornin to Mormon and now it won't stop making macaroni pictures and having sex with multiple phone wives."

"What do you call a fish that likes to cook? Bobby Fillet"

"Two wolves are chasing a Golden Retriever through the forest. After an hour, the first wolf says to the second wolf, ""Ain't this a bitch?"" To which the second wolf responds, ""It had better be""."

"[Date] Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back"