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Joke of the Day
"I can't control my urge to pull tube tops down."
Next Joke
"Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn't tell the kids what it is... He gives them a hint ""It's what your mom calls me"" The kids respond ""It's a fucking dick, don't eat it"""
"Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone."
"Single people think marriage is just a word ... Once you are married you realize it's a sentence."
"Oscar Pistorius misunderstood his girlfriend... when she said: ""for Valentines day, can you take me out?"""
"German Girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."
"The fire service is attending to a man who is trapped after falling into a vat of bourbon at the Jim Beam factory. Although, he is said to be in good spirits."
"What language do pigs speak? Depends on which country they're from."
"Cop: Have you been drinking sir? Me: Medium Double Quarter Pounder meal please. Cop: Step out of the vehicle. Me: Sprite."
"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."