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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear a joke about Subway? Okay, but it's not really kid friendly."

"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty."

"What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise? Open the door and kick her out."

"Me: What did you do at preschool? 3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down."

"What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap? The bucket"

"There once was a man from Kent, Whose cock was extraordinarily bent, To save himself the trouble, He'd put it in double, And instead of coming he went."

"I've been cheating on you guys. Lately, I've been spending my time on my job and real life. They don't mean anything to me, I swear."

"When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!"

"I need a Life or a Clue but someone seems to have a Monopoly on them. So, instead, I'll take the Risk of sinking your Battleship."

"""Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."" The priest replied, ""I know. I saw your tweet!"""