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Joke of the Day

"I'm terrible at directions Fuck me, left!"

"My boss was all, ""Do you know why I called you to the office, "" and I was like, ""I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."""

"Arrogant lady, owned ! Lady : I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth! Man : If I were the last man on earth, you wouldn't have a say in the matter."

"I tried to make belt out of watches... ...but it was just a waist of time."

"""I'm just gonna pull on weird animal parts until something comes out that I can drink"" -guy who discovered milk"

"""Meet sexy singles in your area!"" Why do I always recognize the girls in the ""Meet sexy singles in your area!"" from 4chan? I didn't know there were so many girls in my area on 4chan!"

"Today I was stabbed by a comedian You could say he had me in stitches."

"What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not ""nacho cheese"")? Leave my provolone!"

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead."

"Dad got his son a birthday card A dad got his son a bday card that said ""Holey cow! It's your birthday!"" And it had a picture of a cow with holes in it."