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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an agnostic, insomniac and a dyslexic? Someone who lies awake at night if there really is a dog."

"Fuck. I just mentioned that it was my birthday as a pickup line to this hot girl at the bar and her fat friend is now asking about cake."

"A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, ""do you have that book for men with small penises?"" ""Yeah it's on the third lane"" ""Okay, thanks"""

"I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want..."

"What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four."

"Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day."

"i pinched out a bowel movement while reaching for a stool."

"""You are accused of polygamy"" ""And who pressed charges? ""Your wife"" ""Which one exactly?"""

"Whats the difference between a joke and 2 dicks. You cant take a joke"

"I need beer money but I've probably captured my neighbor's cat and returned it for the reward one too many times."