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Joke of the Day

"*man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*"

"Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry."

"INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit"

"Today I found out my nephew is scared of the vacuum.. Today I also found out I have a very dark cruel evil side to me.."

"Can someone please lecture me on their political views in an aggressive and condescending tone so I may realize the error of my ways?"

"Exec 1: We gotta improve our company image. E2: Hey, let's call customers at home. E1: At dinner, on Sunday. E2: But be pushy. E1: Perfect."

"Love is grand Divorce is a HUNDRED grand..."

"What is a moo hoo for a cow fight? A cattle battle!"

"I woke up last night and there was an enormous black coffin at the end of my bed. So I gave him a cough-drop and told him to fuck off."

"Whale joke How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers!"