44706

Joke of the Day

"A slut's prayer: As I lay down with this creep, I pray he sticks it in real deep, If he comes before I do, I'll have to f*ck his best friend too."

"If someone doesn't text u back it's certainly bc whatever u texted them was so stupid that it destroyed whatever relationship u may have had"

"Dana White has his cock so far up Joe Rogan's ass When he farts it stutters credit /u/Blackirishman"

"I'm going to bang my head into the wall repeatedly. Is that okay? Sure, kid. Knock yourself out."

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."

"During an appointment, a doctor tells his patient, ""You have got to stop masturbating!"" The patient gets concerned and asks, ""Why? Is it affecting my health?"" ""No! I'm just trying to examine you!"""

"Pixar has made me feel affection towards rats, bugs, fish, robots, monsters and even cars. The real test would be a movie about coworkers."

"How do Reavers clean their spears? They run them through the Wash. (In honor of the late Shepard Book. RIP)"

"How do you get away with murder? Become a cop first."

"Level of Spanish - I understand what's going on by the intonation."