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Joke of the Day

"A man starts having a heart attack mid flight... Person: Is anyone here a doctor? Vegan: I'm a vegan"

"""this wing of the facility is where we do updog research"" ""what's updog"" ""that's what we're trying to determine"""

"My wife and I only went out for 5 months before we got married. We just knew... That she was pregnant."

"""Stuff that alligator in that dolphin"" - God creating sharks"

"What do you call a kid with no legs, no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

"What do you tell a slow tomato? ...what? Ketchup"

"There's a party in my pants and everyone's invited but nobody ever shows up. I wish my pants would stop throwing parties. It's humiliating."

"The word ""Fat"" just looks like someone took a bite out of the word ""Eat""."

"I thought I saw a coyote in the yard tonight but I couldn't tell because it didnt have an anvil."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."