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Joke of the Day

"Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life? Me: Define ""someone"" Mom: You know, a boyfriend. Me: Define ""boyfriend"""

"They just opened a sperm bank for gay couples. You can get it by the buttload."

"Why can't you go fishing with Skrillex? Because he always drops the bass."

"honey you gotta push that baby out faster, there's only like three seconds left on this vine"

"Why do people browse reddit on the toilet? For shits n' giggles."

"I feel really bad for kids in third world countries... They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time."

"People who have 'taken' in their bio, sit tight, Liam Neeson will around to collect you shortly"

"Did you hear about the farmer who did geometry? He was pro - tractor"

"Next time my 5 y/o says ""Daddy, guess what?"", I'm going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years."

"When God created china he knew he would never have to make anything else again....."