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Joke of the Day

"How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off."

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"Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?' Me: 'What kind of font is this?'"
"My wife saw an ad in a window Which said ""tampons 50cents"" Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper... Very true, he said....""no strings attached"""
"You've killed dozens and robbed hundreds of people using your hammer. What can you say in your defense? – Defendant! Stop clowning and sit down!"
"Who named the Sperm Whales? Seamen."
"How to get a divorce Wife: Honey, how do I look? Husband: Like a.. Well, great! Wife: Good great or bad great? Husband: Overflowing sewer grate."
"Why was Plutarch considered a great comedian? He was the first to practice dead-pan-delivery."
"You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word."
"Why do smurfs laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls ????"
"In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties"
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