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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps could finish a race."

"I'm going for LASIK surgery tomorrow Really looking forward to it."

"Yes, I have read 'Game Of Thrones'. No, It is not any different from the show. -Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles."

"Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve."

"I know why Hogwarts doesn't have math class. They have a magical device for it. It's called a calculator."

"I'm not racist, but... >[deleted]"

"What did the mushroom say on his dating profile? I'm a fungi!"

"did you get the job? ""i don't know yet"" when will they tell you? interviewer: ""keith can you please ask your mum to wait in reception"""

"You're fat. Fatty."

"If I have trouble finding an arm hole while putting on a dress shirt, I imagine I'm rehearsing for my show ""Damien Fahey: Shitty Magician""."