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Joke of the Day

"My family is German. I've learned the hard way not to get drunk. The hangovers aren't the problem, but for some reason I keep waking up in Poland, and all my Jewish neighbors keep vanishing..."

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"What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck sucked his blood and said ""Who's a pretty boy then?"""
"What do you call a gay milkman? A dairy queen."
"Did you hear about the crack addict that got trapped in a pyramid? He had to sarcophagi for the drug money"
"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.. She was right. The very premise is absurd."
"What was the General's answer... to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term? ""Tanks, Obama."""
"I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here."
"If history is written by the victors... ...then who writes French history textbooks?"
"I decided to email Ted Kaczynski yesterday Edit : wow, my inbox blew up"
"A cucumber made a dill with the devil. He's in quite a pickle now."