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Joke of the Day

"""I've never flown before said the nervous old lady to the pilot. ""You will bring me down safely won't you? ""All I can say ma'am"" said the pilot ""is that I've never left anyone up there yet!"""

"Employers are now blocking Twitter at the office. Is there a way I can do that on my home computer? Asking for a guy who should be working."

"Asians are bad drivers cuz they're used to riding pandas while eating rice is that racist enough for you dad I'm sorry I wasn't in the war"

"What do animal poachers do in their spare time? They go clubbing."

"I figured out why there are so many masturbation-related injuries that's when all the guardian angels cover their eyes"

"What you can get with 57 000? A home for a refugee. Or a shit ton of beer"

"Why did the corn maze go back to school? It was tired of working in a dead end field."

"I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely"

"What's a life without manitees? A life with out porpoise."

"Not Your Father's Root Beer Me: Hey dad. Is this yours? Dad: No."