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Joke of the Day

"What's musical and useful at the grocery store? A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible ""Joke of the Day"" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever."

"I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy."

"There used to be a bunch of German soldiers in France. But they Argonne now."

"So, you're telling me my credit score should have three digits?"

"I was once slapped in the face by a girl with twelve nipples... (.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.) Sounds weird, dozen tit?"

"Her: You know I love it when you pull my hair... Me: Yes, baby Her: But the other people at this PTA meeting are beginning to stare."

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap."

"I went for a run and got back two minutes later because I forgot something, I forgot I'm fat and can't run for more than two minutes."

"What do you call an online encyclopedia for DJs? A wiki-wiki-wi-wi-wi-kipedia"

"Was on a date with this girl and she asked me if I would tell her my Reddit username, so I did. My face still hurts."