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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the melons get married? They cantaloupe."

"What happened to the american man who broke his leg? He went... broke."

"Gold Medal What's better than winning a gold medal at the special Olympics? Not being retarded!"

"My hair is 100% organic, but it has been tested on animals. Portions may have been used to drape over cats' heads to make little wigs."

"Kid: But dad I don't want to go to Australia. Dad: Shut and keep digging"

"This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart."

"Facebook: ""Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!"" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]"

"What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? Kermit the Frog's Finger!!"

"My pet butterfly got a tattoo of my lower back"

"dwights farm as suffered a massive blight, almost bankrupt he was signed for a massive record deal on the condition he give up farming turns out all he had to do was drop those sick beets"