43772

Joke of the Day

"I hate being the walking dead. I wish I could be the driving dead. Even the bus riding dead would do."

"I told my wife I wanted her to spread my ashes for traction when the back porch gets icy That way she can put me to work and step on me one last time."

"I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house. It's a process of illumination."

"Him: Do you want to run away with me? Me: We won't actually be running, right?"

"Yesterday I heard there was a robbery at a bakery, I've heard of stupid crimes... But this one really takes the cake."

"How would you describe sex with a midget covered in sugar? Short and sweet"

"Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already."

"My girlfriend asked me if I liked getting pissed on..... I said,""yes."" She said,""urine for a treat."""

"Who was the worst U.S. President of all time? Hoover, his administration really sucked."

"A Jewish kid asks his Dad: 'Dad, can I have 50 pence please?' The father replies: '40 pence?! what do you want 30 pence for?'"