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Joke of the Day

"My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement"

"My doctor is getting REALLY tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me."

"Laziness is a dish best served delivered."

"2 eggs were on a frying pan One of them says: ""Gee, it's really hot in here!"" The other egg says: ""HOLY CRAP, A TALKING EGG!"""

"No officer, Vodka and I were hanging out and this car decided to join us."

"I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House."

"Why did the french guy not help his friend fix a pipe? He said he would assister."

"My doctor recommended that I should stab an unsuspecting coworker, or do some anger management or something."

"""Make it two if you count my great personality - three if we include my charm! Hahahahaha oh um yes it's a table for one."""

"Did you hear about the alien megastructures located near the Milkyway? *Handwave* nanobots"