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Joke of the Day

"Leaving restaurant: ""That was lovely"" Outside: ""Well, it was okay"" In car: ""I mean, it wasn't great"" Back home: ""We won't go there again"""

"Two cannibals are eating a clown... One stops and asks the other, ""Does this taste funny?"""

"A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend."

"If a hobbit were to bake a hairstyle, what would he make it out of? Frodo"

"I Wish I was a Wal Mart Truck Driver... Because I missed Tracy Morgan on Saturday."

"A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He sidled up to the bar and announced, ""I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."""

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They Don't Know I'm Only Using Blanks."

"What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them? A photographer."

"Oprah says we all have a small child inside of us longing to get out & omg why isn't anyone talking about Oprah eating children?"

"Cop: [knocks] Dinosaur: can I help you? Cop: we've had reports of small arms fire [Flaming T-Rex runs past screaming]"