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Joke of the Day
"What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand? He went to the second-hand shop."
Next Joke
"I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero."
"What Did The Egg Say To the Boiling Water? I just got laid by a chick, its gonna take me a while to get hard."
"A recent survey suggests 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape"
"use this coupon for the pizza its expired whats the worst that could happen [calls wife 10min later] hello Im in something called pizza jail"
"Scary: A wolf chasing you Scarier: A werewolf chasing you Scariest: A werewolf with a clipboard chasing you"
"Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text ""Medusa's excited to meet you."" Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn."
"If Jason Bateman was a Jedi... I would call him Master Bateman."
"A jew walks into a bar ... says ouch, then sues the bastard who left it there"
"My lift to work was late to arrive at the train station, so I killed the driver... ...I thought it was fair but some said it was a loco-motive"