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Joke of the Day

"I just bought a Christmas tree and my buddy asked, ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, I was thinking the living room."""

"My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert"

"Who says Republicans aren't into recycling? Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again."

"Old people at weddings always poke me and say your next So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals"

"What's M. Night Shyamalan's favorite flavor of ice cream? Twist"

"What does Sherlock call his friends? His Holmies"

"I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision I only had regular vision"

"What do they call a meeting among the most brilliant people in Burger Land? A MEATing of the minds!"

"My daughter asked me what marriage is like, so I threw out all her Ken dolls, except for the bald drunk one."

"""They're looking for you."" ""Who is?"" ""These nuts"""