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Joke of the Day

"There was a fight in the Fish and Chip shop the other day The fish got *battered* and the chip got *a-salted*."

"I like my women like I like my alcohol... XXX."

"My friend dropped his phone in the toilet It was a shitty phone anyway True story"

"What's green and chokes superheroes? (NSFW) The Hulk's cock"

"What did the mathematician do when he was constipated? He worked it out with a pencil..."

"I took my item up to the counter. ""I'd like to return this,"" I said, with a tear in my eye, ""It didn't work."" He said, ""I'm sorry. We can't do that with condoms."""

"Mules... are SO half-assed."

"A disciple asked, ""Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?"" ""Yes, son,"" the guru quipped, ""as long as there are no attachments."""

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"In five-card poker, six-high beats a pair..."