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Joke of the Day
"Using zero-ply toilet paper, aka the cardboard tube"
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"What's big and round and full of seamen? Your mom"
"My girlfriend's car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there."
"Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, Faith brings them together"
"The US economy That's the joke."
"4yo: I want to play squirt guns Me: You mean when you squirt me all day and laugh, and if I squirt you, you cry? 4yo: YES Me: Okay, let's go"
"Yes, I read Quantum Physics. But only for the particles."
"Despite constantly dropping the ball... Gravity is pretty reliable"
"We should head on over to that schizophrenic party. It sounds like a lot of people are there."
"Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes."