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Joke of the Day

"Gf vs Wife Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."

"I just got a papercut... we'll just see if I recycle this week... stupid cunt tree."

"After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it."

"If Jack helped you off the horse... ... would you help Jack off the horse? I tried."

"Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head."

"What do you throw a drowning guitarist? His amp."

"Job interview: ""What's your greatest weakness?"" ""Honesty."" ""I don't think honesty is a weakness."" ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""

"- Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place!"

"What is a dogs favourite flower ? Anything in your garden !"

"I told a blonde joke She didn't get it."