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Joke of the Day
"What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river? Quatro-cinco"
Next Joke
"wife: ""im sorry, he has to try everything before he buys it"" store owner: ""it's okay"" me: [lying in a coffin] ""the first one was better"""
"I'm glad I was diagnosed with OCD because now I have an even 100 problems."
"It's cool how when people tell us about their dreams that were the weirdest/most beautiful thing they've ever seen we're like ""UGH BORING"""
"I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics... But graphing is where I draw the line!"
"my Playstation got stolen... i have no one to console me."
"So I was talking to a Christian mother We were talking and she said ""I tell my kids Santa doesn't exist, I don't want them to believe in stuff that isn't real."""
"Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?"
"Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims"
"Talk Like A Pirate Day Here's my impersonation of a pirate: *ahem* Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now."