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Joke of the Day

"The guy I cheat off moved seats before today's spelling test, like he's teaching me some kind of lessen."

"""What would you say is your greatest weakness?"" Probably my tendency to stalk and murder people who won't hire me."

"I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one"

"STUDENT: Will there be a final? PROFESSOR: Does a bear shit in the woods? BEAR STUDENT: *from the back row* Thats none of your damn business"

"Did you hear, John Wayne Bobbit got his penis cut off again? Isn't that redickless?"

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60 She's 93 now and we don't know where the hell she is."

"We see you, guy who ""doesn't want any pizza,"" contributes no money, then eats 6 slices when it arrives. We see you, and God sees you."

"The one-legged man couldn't understand an online tutorial. It had step-by-step instructions."

"How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping? Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They nip it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!"

"In my house ""no"" means keep doing it till mom loses her shit."