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Joke of the Day

"Heard that the Lord Of The Rings author had a bit of a stammer. I tried to get his attention this one time and he said, ""Jay, are are you Tolkein to me?"""

"A black guy and a white guy fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first? Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?"

"Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it.... [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]"

"Chefs who can't admit failure present: Soft-boiled eggs Steak tartare Twice-baked potatoes Sour cream Calzones Pineapple upside down cake"

"A pair of identical twins... ... on opposite banks of a river. One says ""I wish I was on that side of the river."" The other replies ""You are."""

"TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway. Whoops, wrong sub."

"""Excuse the mess; we had guests,"" I graciously explain, leaving out the ""five months ago"" part."

"When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room."

"The opposite of aging gracefully is aging nancygracefully, where you literally morph into a horrible human being."

"A little Hanukkah humour What do you call a vagina-shaped candelabra? A Labia Menorah"