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Joke of the Day

"You might as well shoot for the stars because... Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing."

"What is it called when you get a bathroom hand job while listening to blues? W.C. Handy"

"Emotions are like shit Sometimes you've gotta let it out"

"My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto? ""Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"""

"How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar? Both enjoy cracking open a cold one."

"Roses are expensive... Violets are gay... Poems are for pussies... Have a nice day..."

"Relationships are easy as pie! *burns pie*"

"Why did the alligator wear a vest? He was an investigator!"

"Trick or treat.. Smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear. And that's why I was arrested, Your Honor."

"Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed? Son: I couldn't find a spider."