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Joke of the Day

"I was going to record a video of me playing the violin but... I didn't want to fiddle with the camera"

"Women who don't even acknowledge your existence just want you to try harder. I recommend hiding naked in her closet with a block of cheese."

"Batman prank calls Spider-Man... Batman asks, ""Is uncle Ben home?"" Spider-Man says, ""No! He is at the theater with your parents!"""

"In marijuana's defense, I'm lazy as shit completely sober too."

"Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football."

"I'm worried, about that one cute sweet innocent girl who keeps liking my fb post."

"My proctologist gave me two thumbs up. Which I did not appreciate."

"Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers."

"Make sure you tip your waitress... It's very funny when they fall over."

"Tinder announced a new feature this week which gives users 37 gender options to choose from And it's now easier than ever to avoid matching with the mentally unstable"