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Joke of the Day

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb & one to hold my dick, I mean my mum, I mean the ladder"

"My mom told me it was impossible to build a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta"

"When people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years... ""I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision!"""

"Just got a Life Alert bracelet. Now, if I get a life, I'll immediately be alerted..."

"[runs inside of a gas station] ""I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game"

"Sheep A Welshman was asked how many sexual conquests he had. He began counting them................and fell asleep."

"My girlfriend told me to humble down shes just jealous of the fact that I'm the most humble man on earth"

"A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet."

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"I bet you are a Taurus... because you are a fat cow."