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Joke of the Day

"Damn boy, are you my yoga class? Because I want to get hot and sweaty with you in 37 different poses and then not be able to walk tomorrow."

"Did you hear about the woman who replaced her addiction to ornithology with alcohol? She was described as being off her tits."

"Like a baboon stuck in a snowstorm... I should be dead right now."

"I pulled my groin the other day.. .. It felt so good, I pulled it one more time."

"I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I'm a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie."

"Waiter: black pepper? Me: sure Waiter: say when Me: [remembering I have large investments in numerous peppercorn plantations] haha sure"

"If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?"

"You want to hear a funny joke? I said hear not read, you fuck."

"Lunch. Meeting. Sure, let's ruin both at once."

"""Ejaculate"" shouldn't just be strictly a sexual term. I should be able to ""ejaculate"" out of a restaurant (leave quickly)."