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Joke of the Day

"I'll act my age when I'm 69 lol"

"What's the proper name for a continually chafed asshole? ""Mr. President."""

"Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race? Because he expecto'd Petronas."

"[After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to."

"Need to build an ark? I Noah guy."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer. I'm not sure what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day."

"What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours"

"Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account."

"[OC] What do you call a Portable Sperm Bank? Your Momma. Happy Mother's Day folks"

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog."