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Joke of the Day
"He wants my carcasses apparently. I think autocorrect won that round."
Next Joke
"""Another mans thrash is another mans treasure"" Apparently this is not a good way for saying you are adopted to your kid"
"You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view."
"Husband (right before going to bed): ""Baby here is the aspirin for your headache"". Wife: ""But I dont have any headaches"" Husband: Gotcha!"
"How do you pick up a jewish girl... With a dust pan."
"One time Father Christmas lost his underpants. That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!"
"""I have no advice. I can't talk! I am a building."" -Prison advice"
"[Arrives at work dressed as a sexy kitty] Boss: *points to memo on desk* ""It says no Halloween costumes"" Me: *slowly pushes memo off desk*"
"6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?"
"No relationship is perfect so you might as well pick the perfect person you want to go through hell with"