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Joke of the Day

"Found newspaper from day my son was born. Originally saved so he could see news of that day. Now saving so he can see what a newspaper was."

"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."

"Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public. They could call it Marco Rubio."

"""Hey you know how everyone's favorite part of the sandwich is the meat, let's add an extra slice of bread?"" - Inventor of club sandwich"

"Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry."

"What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan? It took ears off his life!"

"I'm sick of women staring at my spaceship. It's like, HELLO, my tentacles are up here!"

"The phone cops got a new case. It fit snuggly."

"8 out of every 5 people are mathematically illiterate"

"Do you like raisin bran? Well, it's a good thing you adopted him then, but don't be surprised if he turns out to be a cereal killer..."