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Joke of the Day

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."

"How many grammar mistakes does it take to piss off your English teacher? not alot. (Just thought of it, tell me what you think :) )"

"Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move...... a roundhouse kick to the face."

"I wasn't going to get a brain transplant... ...But then I changed my mind"

"[job interview] ""What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble."

"If you watch Beauty & the Beast backwards a grown man devolves into a monster then into a petulant little boy. It's basically Twitter."

"He died doing what he loved...failing to read my mind."

"So this guy walks into a bar... JOHN CENA! LIVE AT SUUUUUUUUUPER SLAAM!"

"Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it."

"What do you call slapping hands with (5^.5+1)/2? A high phive! I'll see myself out now."